


two slow dancers

by octopuppy



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Background Het, Background Relationships, Bottom Uchiha Sasuke, Codependency, Fluff and Angst, Hand Jobs, Infidelity, It's mostly angst - Freeform, M/M, Naruto is king of bad decisions, Not Canon Compliant, Recovery, Sex, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, Unhealthy Relationships, Verse Uzumaki Naruto, What a combination, background NaruHina - Freeform, sasuke is lonely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2020-12-25 00:35:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21108566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octopuppy/pseuds/octopuppy
Summary: “I love you.”Naruto’s usually brash tone was soft, almost breathy with his hesitance. Sasuke turned slowly toward him and as cool mismatched eyes met electric blue, a deep flush bloomed across scarred cheeks.“No, you don’t, Naruto. Don’t say stupid things.”





	1. summer shower

“I love you.”

Naruto’s usually brash tone was soft, almost breathy with his hesitance. Sasuke turned slowly toward him and as cool mismatched eyes met electric blue, a deep flush bloomed across scarred cheeks.

Naruto’s expression was pure vulnerability. His eyes were slightly narrowed in anxiety and shame, as if afraid of what was coming next. His face blushed darker under Sasuke’s scrutinizing gaze. His jaw was tense and his mouth pulled into a tight grimace. He looked less like a man in love than he did extremely ill.

“No, you don’t, Naruto. Don’t say stupid things.” 

The sharpness of Sasuke’s tone made Naruto wince; Sasuke had to admit he had surprised himself as well. He was expecting Naruto to explode with indignant rage at that, but he did not. Instead, Naruto turned away meekly, shame overwhelming him momentarily, before balling his fists and lifting his head to make burning eye contact once more. He spoke, voice low.

“I’m serious, Sasuke. Don’t be an asshole.”

Although his heart initially skipped a beat under Naruto’s piercing gaze, Sasuke’s upper lip raised into a sarcastic sneer as a wave of indignation overcame him. This was Naruto speaking, the kid who grew up peering into women’s bath houses, was taken under the wing of the legendary perverted Sannin, and even created his own jutsu based on his unhealthy obsession with the female form. Hell, he even had a girlfriend right now who was the epitome of feminine beauty. Just thinking of her made sickening envy rise in his chest; her soft body, long flowing hair, and sweet mannerisms were something Sasuke could never emulate or even find desirable. But Naruto… He saw how the blond looked at her. His eyes had a softness for her in direct contrast to the intensity Sasuke was receiving right now.

He wished Naruto would say something else. He’d always had a tendency to be a blabbermouth, but now, he was silent. Sasuke’s indignation turned to rage. He took a few large steps toward Naruto quickly, threateningly, but the other man did not react. 

“You’re dating someone,” Sasuke growled. “Forget about this now and be with her.”

The blond hissed through his teeth at that, wincing outwardly. He ran a hand through his blond spikes as he spoke.

“I know. And… I know it’s selfish, but I needed to tell you. I need it out of my system. I need you to know the truth. Even if it makes you hate me.”

He looked embarrassed. Ashamed. Sasuke shook his head, jaw clenched. Panic swallowed him whole, then morphed back to anger. His one hand snapped to Naruto’s collar, gripping the front of his jacket roughly and jerking him forward. Their noses were nearly touching.

“Stop,” Sasuke grit out, voice wavering only slightly. He felt a bandage wrapped hand gently cup his face. The tenderness of the gesture both shocked and overwhelmed him but he did nothing to prevent it. 

“I’m serious,” Naruto repeated, hoarse voice low. 

“You don’t want this,” Sasuke protested, but noticed Naruto’s pupils dilate and contract as they watched his lips move. 

“I really do.”

“Have you ever been with another man?”

Naruto flinched. He turned a shade of darker red before shaking his head, gaze flickering upward to meet the other’s. He bit his lip as Sasuke released the grip on his collar, hand moving to the zipper of his jacket. Slowly, teasingly, Sasuke lowered the zipper to expose tanned collarbones. He scoffed as Naruto made a small, nervous sound in his throat.

“You think you want this, but you don’t. It’s obvious.” 

One finger trailed down Naruto’s exposed chest to the top of his zipper. The blond swallowed hard, hazy eyes narrowing in frustration.

“Stop telling me what I want.”

Sasuke couldn’t help but smirk. There’s the Naruto he knew.

“Or what, usuratonkachi?”

Eyes flashing with anger, Naruto closed the gap between them with a fevered kiss. Sasuke immediately reciprocated, hand hooking around the back of his neck. Naruto produced a low sound from the back of his throat as Sasuke deepened the kiss, both hands trailing down to grip the brunet’s hips. They broke apart momentarily for Naruto to let out a low laugh.

“You’re such a bastard.”

Before Sasuke could retort, he was pulled into another kiss. He flicked his tongue against Naruto’s surprisingly soft lower lip. The jinchuuriki shuddered in response, but allowed him access; he tasted almost sweet. Intoxicated, Sasuke ground his hips forward into the other’s, his growing hardness unmistakable. Naruto gasped, hesitating, and Sasuke pulled back, putting space between their bodies. He met Naruto’s clouded eye, both panting.

“Should we stop?”

His sharingan activated for just a moment as Naruto slowly shook his head. His lips were swollen, his cheeks dusted with a dark blush, his eyes dusky. Sasuke buried his face in a tanned neck, kissing the underside of Naruto’s jaw, then trailing downward to his collarbone. He was surprised when Naruto gripped his waist tighter, bucking his hips forward. The blond hissed as Sasuke sucked hard on a patch of golden skin, leaving behind a small yet distinct bruise.

“Sasuke…” he exhaled softly. 

At the sound of his name, he paused, and Naruto caught him under the chin with a wrapped finger. He allowed himself to be raised back to Naruto’s lips as they kissed again, this time gently. Two hands found the center of his chest and he was guided away from the open area of the training grounds until he felt his back hit a smooth tree trunk. 

Naruto ground against him once more, hands roaming his smooth chest; one slid back up to cup his face again as the other trailed torturously slowly downward between them. He gave an involuntary shiver as thick tanned fingers tentatively brushed the bare skin above the hem of his pants. 

“You don’t have to--”

“Shut up, teme,” Naruto snapped, cheeks burning bright red. “I… I want to.”

“Then why are you so afraid?”

“I’m not afraid!”

“Prove it.”

Sasuke immediately regretted his words as Naruto suddenly plunged his hand past Sasuke’s waistband, gripping him firmly. His breath caught in his throat and a self satisfied smirk broke out across the blond’s face. His lips parted as Naruto began to move his wrist steadily, but neither of them broke eye contact, dark red dusting both of their cheeks.

“What’s wrong, Sasuke? Run out of things to say?” Naruto teased, but it didn’t last long, as Sasuke returned the favor. A pale hand slipped past the elastic stretched across his pelvis, taking hold of him and matching his rhythm.

“Typically, I find actions speak louder than words,” he muttered, leaning forward to touch his forehead to Naruto’s. Both panting, blue eyes rolled back, closing. He slowed his ministrations, determined to make it last. The blond moaned lowly, frustrated.

“Words are important, too,” He eventually got out. “Say it back to me, Sasuke. I know you do.”

Sasuke’s heart jumped to his throat as deep blue eyes reopened just inches away from his. He stared back quietly, the air between them filled with nothing but the sounds of rustling clothing and their hitched breaths. Suddenly, Naruto snarled aloud in exasperation, teeth bared for just a moment.

“Fiiiiine,” Naruto bit out, groaning. “If you do and you can’t say it for some stupid reason, just please kiss me. Kiss me, Sasuke. Kiss me,” he begged. 

The words tumbled out of his mouth hastily in an ever-so-Naruto way and Sasuke couldn’t help but give a single, short exhale of laughter. Before he could stop himself, they were kissing again; Naruto made a small, sad sound, kissing back more and more fervently.

“I love you,” he whispered between kisses. “I love you.”

Sasuke only shivered in response, jerking his hand faster and faster as Naruto did the same. They climaxed one after the other, panting against each other’s mouths. Two eyes opened, one charcoal grey, the other a nebulous purple, staring lazily at shut tanned eyelids while they caught their breath. They stood like that for a few intimate moments, ignoring the stiffening fabric between them, the movement of the leaves in the spring breeze the only sound besides their panting.

Their breathing leveled and Sasuke leaned forward to press his lips to Naruto’s one more time, chastely, sweetly. A strong shudder ran down Naruto’s spine and he let out a short whine, eyes still screwed shut. 

It’s not that this came as a complete surprise. Naruto had chased him to the ends of the earth. He’d promised they’d die together. And while it was true that the blond looked at a certain dark haired woman warmly, there was a spark when their eyes met that went beyond anything he’d experienced with another person. It was as if everything else ceased to exist. Those crystal blue eyes saw right through the wall he’d created between himself and the outside world. Sasuke supposed that scared him. 

“You make my chest hurt,” Naruto muttered, voice thick with emotion. 

Again he said nothing in response, pressing his forehead against Naruto’s more firmly. Their breathing fell into a quiet rhythm before Naruto, true to form, broke the silence. 

“Stay with me, Sasuke. Tonight. Come home with me, please.” 

“You’re so needy all of a sudden.”

He tried to sound mocking but his voice came out much softer than he’d expected. 

“I do need you. So stay with me, please.”

Naruto’s barefaced vulnerability caught Sasuke off guard. Those ocean eyes opened before his and he was adrift in a sea of sparkling blue. He found himself unable to speak and nodded instead. Thankfully the cover of night helped them make it back to Naruto’s apartment unseen. As they crossed the threshold, Sasuke noticed immediately that it was surprisingly clean, although the trash can was nearly overflowing with empty cups of instant ramen. Large plants covered nearly every surface and the air smelled distinctly of fresh soil and greenery. 

Without a word, Naruto locked the door behind them, kicked off his shoes, and disappeared into a small hallway. Sasuke waited awkwardly, unsure, until he heard the sound of a shower turning on. After another moment, Naruto came back around the corner, cheeks tinted pink. He made moves as if he were going to speak, then thought better of it, blushing darker. Eventually, he looked away, embarrassed, but gave Sasuke a small, inviting gesture, curling a finger toward himself. 

Immediately, Sasuke slipped out of his shoes and followed Naruto into the rapidly steaming bathroom, where they paused to face one another. Naruto’s eyes were slightly wide in anticipation and he stood, spine straight, mouth pulled into a small, nervous smile. Sasuke just looked back evenly, concealing his own racing heart behind a comfortable stoic front.

The blond suddenly hissed through his teeth in mild frustration, flushing darker as he pulled off his stained shirt and tossed it aside, exposing nicely toned muscles. Sasuke’s eyes flickered downward, making no attempt to hide his interest as he drank in every detail. The mark he left on his collarbone was nearly gone already. Such was the great, convenient healing power of the Kyuubi. When his gaze returned to Naruto’s face, an embarrassed and slightly annoyed expression awaited him.

“What, dobe?”

“It’s your turn. I feel stupid.”

“You are stupid.”

“God damnit, Sasuke, now is not the time!” Naruto barked, glowering at him, beet red in shame, hands balled into fists beside him.  
“Either stop being an asshole and come over here or get the fuck out!”

At that, Sasuke held his tongue. He stepped forward until he was only a few inches away. He stood quietly, face neutral as he looked slightly downward at the other, waiting. Naruto exhaled aloud in irritated relief. With only minor reluctance, he took hold of the soiled bottom hem of Sasuke’s shirt and pulled upward. His fingers brushed Sasuke’s smooth abdomen as they ascended and both gave a small shiver. Naruto pulled the garment over Sasuke’s head and dropped it on the floor beside them. 

Before they could enter another standoff, Sasuke slipped off the rest of his clothes and nonchalantly slid open the glass shower door, entering the hot stream. He couldn’t help but smirk at Naruto’s shocked expression as he did so. He could hardly understand why the idiot was freaking out so much. It’s not like they hadn’t been to a bath house together. After a moment’s consideration, he supposed the context was radically different.

“Coming?”

He called over the sound of running water and heard no response until the door cracked open again, one bright eye peering at him. Sasuke stared back, unimpressed. He heard Naruto suck in a deep breath as he threw the door open unceremoniously and stepped in beside him. 

It was a small standing shower without much room and as the water flowed between them, Sasuke dipped his head only slightly to allow Naruto full access if he so chose. Even now, standing together, naked and entirely exposed, Sasuke would always give him an out. He got his answer when he felt strong hands grasp his waist and push him back against the cool shower wall. Heat pooled deep in his abdomen as two soft lips found his; he spread his legs slightly and Naruto ground in between them, drawing out gasps and moans from both men. His one hand traced down the center of Naruto’s firm chest, continuing lower before wrapping four long fingers around Naruto, his thumb around himself. Deliberately, he pumped his wrist once, earning a loud moan from each of them. 

“Fuck, Sasuke, don’t stop,” Naruto whined against a pair of pale lips, grinding his hips forward against the brunet’s hand.

He was more than willing to oblige. His wrist worked while Naruto desperately grasped both sides of his face, kissing him painfully hard. One hand dropped to join Sasuke’s between them, gradually increasing their tempo. Sasuke’s head started to spin and he bit Naruto’s bruised lower lip, both gasping and moaning as they rode out another intense climax. The water slowly washed away the stickiness between their middles as Sasuke leaned back against the wall, Naruto flush against him. The blond lifted his head to look into Sasuke’s mismatched eyes, giving him an endearingly bashful smile.

After a moment of respite, Sasuke found the soap and lathered himself as Naruto reached around his waist for the shampoo bottle. In typical Naruto fashion, he squeezed it enthusiastically, covering his entire palm in shampoo. Pursing his lips, he lathered his blond hair, considered for a moment, then used the excess on Sasuke’s dark locks. Surreptitiously avoiding eye contact, Naruto massaged his scalp, running thick fingers through black silken hair. Sasuke watched the other’s face silently and the blond pretended not to notice as a dark blush crept up his neck.

When they were both clean and rinsed, Naruto shut the water off and hopped out, wrapping himself in a towel as he dashed out of the bathroom, leaving Sasuke alone. He stood in the shower for another moment before grabbing another towel and drying himself off. It was then that he realized, much to his annoyance, he didn’t have a change of clothes. As if on cue, Naruto burst through the door with an armful of clothing, hair still dripping wet.

“Thanks,” Sasuke said as he took a black t shirt off the top of the pile as well as a pair of plain grey boxers.

“Should’ve known you’d choose black and grey. You’re no fun,” Naruto tsked as he pulled on a bright yellow t shirt and wildly patterned boxers. 

“At least I don’t look like an idiot,” he retorted lamely, drying his hair before hanging up the towel and getting dressed himself. He turned back toward Naruto to find him staring, eyes hazy with memories of what just happened, biting a swollen lip.

“No, you don’t.”

Sasuke paused, meeting Naruto’s look with a soft smirk. There was a brief silence between them before Naruto broke it yet again.

“Come to bed with me.”

Sasuke gave a small nod and allowed himself to be taken by the hand and led to Naruto’s bedroom. There was a large, western style bed pushed into a corner of the small room and although he said nothing, Sasuke was a little curious as to how different it was from the traditional futon he’d slept on for most of his life. Naruto crawled under the sheets first, pulling Sasuke after him. He sunk into the mattress slightly, which surprised him, but as he lay with his best friend, found it rather comfortable fairly quickly. They lay facing each other, noses touching for a few quiet moments. 

Those familiar eyes slid closed and a cool breath ghosted his face as Naruto let out a long, contented sigh. One hand found the center of Sasuke’s chest, the other draping around his slender hip, pulling him ever so slightly closer until they were flush against one another. 

Sasuke’s eyes roamed the scarred face in front of his shamelessly, that is, until one of Naruto’s eyes cracked open, catching him in the act. He tried to maintain his composure but nevertheless felt his cheeks heat up.

“What are you looking at, teme?” His words were confrontational but his tone was soft, as if he were whispering a deep confession instead of a personal insult. 

“You,” Sasuke stated bluntly. 

The blond snorted, eyes crinkling slightly at their corners, but said nothing in response. His eyes softened before he leaned in for another kiss. Sasuke allowed it, his one hand ghosting over the curve of Naruto’s cheekbone and coming to a stop beneath his ear. They kissed slowly, lazily for a few moments before Naruto pulled back again, leaning on the pillow with a small, pleased smile. 

“When are you going to tell her?” Sasuke asked, voice feebler than he had ever intended. 

Naruto flinched, face contorting with surprise, then shame. It was like he’d forgotten completely.

“Euuuhhh, honestly, I didn’t expect this to happen. I thought you’d tell me to fuck off, that I was stupid, that you’d never be with another man, I don’t know, something like that.”

Sasuke blinked at him before exhaling a single short laugh.

“You thought I’d say all that?”

Naruto paused before pouting self consciously, eyes narrowed into slits.

“You said some of it.”

Despite himself, Sasuke let out a soft chuckle. He rested his eyes for a moment with an audible sigh.

“I guess I did.”

When he opened his eyes again, Naruto’s were sparkling before him. A lopsided grin covered his face.

“What?”

“You laughed.”

“So?”

“I liked it.”

Naruto bumped his forehead into Sasuke’s affectionately. He got so dizzy he thought he might pass out, chest fluttering. His thumb stroked across Naruto’s whisker marks, eliciting a small noise of satisfaction. It didn’t last long as Naruto’s face took on a pained quality, the smile dropping off his face.

“I’ll tell her. I have to.”

Sasuke was mildly annoyed to be reminded of the Hyuuga girl once again. She was so entirely forgettable that he’d prefer to let that be. Unfortunately, he was human, and he did feel somewhat guilty for jacking her boyfriend off in the woods. And in the shower. But clearly not too guilty, because here he remained, wrapped in those toned, tan arms. His upper lip curled in distaste, but Naruto didn’t notice, eyes closed.

“Are you really ready for that conversation?”

Naruto gave an awkward, strangled laugh. He pulled back slightly to look Sasuke in the eye, looking sheepish.

“Definitely not. Like I said, I didn’t expect this to happen. I kind of thought, you know, you’d reject me and I’d get it out of my system.”

“You didn’t even consider the possibility that I wouldn’t?”

“Honestly, no.”

“...Sometimes you really are an idiot.”

“Come onnn, Sasuke, be nice to me,” he whined. “How was I supposed to know?”

“It’s not about knowing. It’s about foreseeing multiple outcomes. It’s academy level logic.”

“Well, whatever,” Naruto grumbled. “I’ll deal with it tomorrow. Stop being a know-it-all. I’m trying to enjoy this, okay?”

Instead of apologizing verbally, Sasuke leaned in, and Naruto was more than eager to reciprocate. Several minutes passed as they kissed again, greedily at first, then settling into a lazy, comfortable rhythm. When they broke apart, their eyes slid open again, Naruto surprising him with a sudden, short gasp, then an embarrassed laugh.

“Sorry, you startled me. The sharingan is really pretty up close,” he remarked, voice soft; his gaze shifted to Sasuke’s left eye. “And so is the rinnegan.”

Embarrassed, crimson faded back to charcoal and the blond watched the whole time, his own cerulean eyes sparkling with childlike fascination.

“They’re just tools,” Sasuke argued, trying to ignore the subtle heat creeping up his face.

“Tools can be pretty! Think of like…” Naruto paused for a moment as he thought hard, eyes squinting, “a solid gold, diamond encrusted kunai or something.”

“That sounds hideous.”

“Then you’re picturing it wrong!” An irritated sigh. “Whatever, Sasuke. Don’t take the compliment.”

They spent the next hour whispering on and off, occasionally exchanging kisses. Finally, Naruto drifted off to sleep, arms still securely fastened around Sasuke. Usually he flailed in his sleep, but this time, it was as if he refused to let go. Before long, Sasuke joined him in slumber, dreaming vaguely of ramen and good company.


	2. bag of bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> See my hands, pretty boy; what do they tell you?

When Sasuke awoke again he was alone and the room was bright with sunlight. Immediately, he guessed it was around 11:00. His back was sore from the soft mattress. It had been nice for a few hours, but he missed his firm futon with a passion. He made a sharp sound of irritation through his teeth as he jumped out of bed, Naruto’s bed, and retrieved his pants from the bathroom. They were clean enough for him to make it home. His shirt, however… He made a face and chose to abandon it on Naruto’s floor for now. The idiot wouldn’t mind if he borrowed a t shirt for a while. After all, they were… what was the word he’d used… in love now. Sasuke’s face blazed as he considered the gravity of what was said and done last night. He exhaled deeply as he got dressed, trying and failing to calm himself before heading outside. He resorted to leaving out the window and making his way to the Uchiha compound by dashing over rooftops.

When Sasuke made it home safely, he jumped down in front of the main gate, heading through it with a subtle huff of relief. He walked through the quiet streets until he reached his home, a small, traditional single family dwelling. He chose it specifically because it had been constructed just before the massacre. It was empty and held no painful memories, but it was his by name, as were the many buildings surrounding it. He hadn’t entered one other than his house in years. The last time he had gone inside one to see what was left, the tatami by the front door was stained with a large puddle of dark blood. It’d been the home that his grandmother lived alone in.

He slid open the shoji and walked inside, closing it behind him and heading to his room to get changed. After a moment’s consideration, he was unsuccessfully fighting back yet another blush as he made a conscious decision to keep on Naruto’s shirt. It still smelled like him. Sasuke shook his head as he changed into fresh pants, still not quite believing everything from the night before. When he was fully dressed, he went to his back garden to meditate. 

Since coming back to Konoha, he’d started doing minor renovations throughout the compound, starting with his own yard. He dug a koi pond and planted a small bamboo garden. It was the perfect place to go to block out all distractions. He took a seat near the water, watching a rather large orange koi swim in lazy circles before closing his eyes, palms facing upward. It wasn’t long before he felt a familiar chakra quickly approaching. He turned around as Naruto threw open the sliding door. Sasuke opened his mouth to greet him before freezing at the blond’s expression. 

“What--”

“Sasuke. She’s pregnant.”

They stared at each other silently from across the sand, the only sound the periodic hollow thud of a bamboo water spout. Finally, Sasuke got to his feet, looking away, eye finding the orange koi again.

“Good.”

Naruto cried out in dismay, anxiety evident as he approached Sasuke’s side, taking hold of his elbow gently.

“Good? Sasuke, why would you say--”

“Take this opportunity to be with someone better for you. Someone who loves you and can show it.”

Sasuke jerked his arm away and Naruto looked at him as though he’d been struck. Tears flooded those crystalline eyes and Sasuke’s chest ached but he couldn’t back down. He straightened his spine before speaking again.

“Don’t you get it, dobe? I don’t love you. So leave.”

Naruto choked out a laugh but there was no mirth in it. His eyes shifted back and forth, searching, before finally tears began to fall.

“That’s not true, is it, Sasuke? I know you’re lying.”

“Leave, now.”

“This isn't what I wanted. I want to be with you.”

Sasuke looked him in the eye, face cool but bile rising in his throat, mouth dry.

“Get the fuck out of my house.”


	3. old friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That pretty friend is finally yours and I'll be around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these updates will slow down as I run out of stuff that I've completed and edited, but here's some more for now.

They were married within the month. It goes without saying that Sasuke did not attend. He spent most of the day laying flat on his back in his futon staring at the ceiling. When he finally forced himself to get up on the evening of the ceremony, he tried meditating beside his koi pond until he just couldn’t bear it anymore, mind racing, heart wrenching, hands shaking. With a snarl of frustration, he leapt to his feet and ran to the training grounds. He was relieved to find the place deserted. Most of the village’s shinobi were likely at the wedding’s reception by now. He wouldn’t be surprised if the entire village was invited. 

As he walked toward the center of the grounds, Sasuke’s head spun for a moment and his eye was drawn to the treeline; he sank his teeth into his bottom lip as he was instantly reminded of Naruto’s face just inches from his, a warm torso pressed firmly against his. Those half-lidded eyes that burned so bright they hurt rolled back when Sasuke leaned in to kiss him. That was a moment when his sharingan had activated. He remembered everything in perfect detail and stifling bitterness blackened his tongue and his eyes stung only slightly. His head tilted back, face towards the sky.

“Fuck,” he muttered to no one, voice slightly hoarse.

“Sasuke-kun?”

He jumped out of his skin and whirled around to find Sakura just a few yards from him, turquoise eyes wide with concern. She was in a tasteful fuschia lace dress that complimented her lighter pink hair perfectly. She wasn’t even hiding her chakra. He was just that distracted. He cursed himself silently as he leveled his expression.

“Sakura.”

“I’m sorry, did I startle you?”

Her voice was apologetic, even embarrassed.

“What are you doing here?”

Sakura paused, surprised. She stood a little straighter before she replied.

“I could ask you the same thing! You know, there’s no need to be so abrupt.” Sakura sighed shortly, rubbing her brow in irritation.  
“I’m sorry. It’s just that.... Weddings tire me out.” She looked at him with a thin, tired smile.  
“I think you know what I mean. You weren’t there today, and he’s your best friend.” she pointed out, tone largely unaccusing. When Sasuke still said nothing after a few seconds of silence, she rolled her eyes only slightly.  
“Anyway, I came here because I needed a walk. What about you?”

“These are the training grounds. I’m training.”

“Sure.”

He could tell by her face that she didn’t believe him. And that was fair enough. He hadn’t brought any equipment with him. His clothes were disheveled and yet it was obvious it wasn’t from physical activity. He said nothing in response and the already unconvincing smile fell from her face. She looked irritated.

Sakura sucked in a short breath before letting it out and facing him again.  
“I guess I’ll be more direct. Why weren’t you there today? Naruto was upset.”

Sasuke looked her directly in the eye, purple and black meeting a calm blue-green.

“It’s none of your business.”

Sakura took a deeper breath before drawing her mouth into a hard line. He knew that look. She was about to lecture him.

“Sasuke, the one person you’ve pretended to care about in the last decade had a major life event today and you refused to go and never said a word to him about it. You’re acting selfish. You don’t have to explain why, but you need to realize how you’re affecting one of the only people left on your side here--”

“Did he say that?”

Sakura shook her head slightly, bewildered.

“What?”

“Did he say that I never said a word to him?”

“Well… basically,” she began slowly, then stopped when Sasuke let out a bemused chuckle.

“Fucking asshole.”

“Sasuke, what--”

“I couldn’t go.”

Sakura’s eyebrows shot up at that. Although it was a simple enough phrase, coming from Sasuke, she knew it was a sort of confession.

“Why not?”

She inquired softly, and he knew she was trying to coax the truth out of him. For some reason, he felt nearly compelled to let it slip.

“I… couldn’t watch him do it.”

It was the most Sasuke could manage, and he knew it sufficed when her eyes welled with emotion.

“Sasuke, I… I think I know what you mean,” she began carefully, light eyes on Sasuke’s face, gauging his reaction. He did not give much of one.  
“When Ino and Sai were married… I could barely take it.”

There was a pause. Sakura looked down at her hands, lacing her fingers together, cheeks red. Her voice was small with shame.

“I love her. And now… She’s pregnant. We’re best friends, so of course I’m the first she told,” Sakura stated as a single tear streaked down her blushed cheeks. She finally looked back up at him and he felt a solidarity that he knew she picked up on. 

“So is Hinata.”

Her mouth fell open before she was able to collect herself.

“So that’s why--”

“Don’t tell anyone.”

“Of course,” she replied, dabbing carefully at her eyes.

Sasuke was uncomfortable. He hadn’t intended to tell her anything and he certainly hadn’t intended to make her cry. But Sakura was smart. She extrapolated everything he was feeling through the few sentences he’d spoken. Somehow he knew he could trust her.

“Hey,” a third voice cut through the cool evening air. Both Sasuke and Sakura turned to face the newcomer and were surprised to see Naruto standing there, still wearing his black and white kimono from the ceremony. The tension in the air was palpable.

“Well, Sasuke-kun, it was nice talking to you, and Naruto, your wedding was lovely. It’s about time for me to head home.” Sakura took her leave swiftly, smiling tightly at both of them.

“Thanks, Sakura-chan,” Naruto gave her a sunny grin that dropped off his face as soon as she was further than a few yards away. 

Sasuke said nothing, just looked at him blandly, waiting. Sure enough, the blond didn’t disappoint.

“You didn’t come.”

“No.”

“Why?”

Sasuke was taken aback by Naruto’s question. He sounded so earnest, too. As if he truly couldn’t understand.

“Why would I?”

“If you don’t love me, why couldn’t you come?”

He froze. Now he understood. This was a trap.

“I had no interest.” A pause. “Although I suppose it could be a spectacle. I wonder how Hyuuga Hiashi feels, handing his daughter over to be sullied by the demon fox’s host.”

Naruto’s jaw dropped at that, cerulean eyes wide with hurt shock. He stood still, making no move to leave, so Sasuke continued, acid burning his throat.

“On second thought, I doubt he minds,” Sasuke looked away, tone dismissive. “It’s not like his oldest daughter was ever a promising shinobi. And she hardly has the personality for politics. I suppose being the trophy wife of the incumbent hokage is the perfect role for a wallflower like her.”

Shocked silence. Then, that familiar, raspy tone, deathly serious.

“That’s my wife you’re talking about.”

At that, Sasuke looked back at him, eyes flashing dangerously.

“The wife you left alone at your own wedding reception to come and find me. You’re pathetic, Naruto. Get out of my sight.”

As Sasuke turned to walk away, he heard something whistling towards his ear and ducked to dodge a lightning fast punch Naruto had thrown at the side of his face. The blond swept a leg underneath him that he also dodged deftly, kicking off of it to jump a few meters back, putting a safe distance between them.

“Sasuke!” Naruto cried out in rage, voice echoing back from the trees. The nostalgia of the moment made his heart wrench.

“You think you’re the victim here. You shouldn’t have said a goddamn word to me. Go back to your party. The whole village is waiting.”

With that, Sasuke left. He felt Naruto’s eyes sharp on his back as he walked away but refused to look behind him. He had full confidence he was doing the right thing and yet, somehow, all he wanted to do was turn back, apologize, and touch his cheek. Still, he left, returning to his small dark home alone.


	4. real men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Real men don't need other people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok one more sad chapter and then onto some happier stuff I promise

It was six months later before they actually spoke again. Sasuke took as many traveling missions as he could, all of them relatively low rank due to the fact he was still technically a genin. Tsunade at least spared him from having to be accompanied, and he was grateful. He escorted many low level political figures in the Land of Waves until the tediousness caught up with him. After turning in his latest trivial mission report, he headed toward the Uchiha compound for the first time in nearly a month. 

The sun was starting to set and the streets were mostly quiet. He walked slowly, appreciating the steady breeze that rustled the endless sea of leaves around the village. It was so characteristic of Konoha and Sasuke found himself nostalgic. After so many months of listening to the sounds of thunder and the cycling tides, the trees were a quiet welcome. He breathed deeply and fresh air filled his lungs and it smelled like home. He turned a corner and froze, heart leaping to his throat.

Naruto. He was about a half a block down, walking towards him, arm around the waist of a very pregnant Hinata. They were talking and laughing about something. Correction, he was making her laugh. Her cheeks were a light pink and she was leaning back just slightly as she moved, Naruto’s hand on her lower back to steady her. Sasuke got ahold of himself and kept walking before either of them noticed that he was there. When Naruto’s eyes met his and the lopsided grin dropped off of his face, Sasuke was almost glad to have ruined the moment.

“Sasuke-san,” a small voice greeted him. “Welcome back from your mission. We’re glad to see you safe.”

She had a gentle smile that extended to her milky eyes. Her cheeks were rosy from laughter. She looked genuinely happy. 

“Thank you, Hinata. Naruto.”

Sasuke glanced over at the junchuuriki and received a loaded expression in response. There was definitely resentment in that look, but also longing. After a moment, Sasuke had the nearly uncontrollable urge to grip Naruto by the collar and throttle him.

_Stop being fucking weird,_ he wanted to scream, _stop goddamn looking at me like that and act like everything is normal for your wife!_

“Y-yeah, Sasuke. Glad you’re back,” Naruto eventually was able to force out with a grin that was just a little too wide. 

Awkward. So awkward. Sasuke’s jaw was clenched so tightly it was starting to give him a headache. Somehow, the dark haired woman didn’t seem to notice, expression placid, one hand on her swollen middle, the other resting on Naruto’s waist affectionately. 

An emotion Sasuke rarely felt rose in his throat and stayed there. Her hand on his side. Their baby inside of her. Disgust. Rage. 

Envy.

Something ached in his core and flashes of images flooded his mind: Naruto’s bruised lips inches away, connected to his by a thin thread of saliva that broke after just a fleeting moment; half lidded eyes gazing at him dark with lust and something else, something gentle. Them, in bed, holding one another; that smile on his face.

He pulled himself from his reverie, heart clenched tightly in his chest as he abruptly continued walking, shoulder brushing Naruto’s as he passed. He caught a brief glimpse of Hinata’s troubled face and her husband’s nauseated grimace.

The sharingan was meant to perfectly capture even the most subtle movements of an enemy’s attack. It was not developed for Sasuke to remember the exact look in his best friend’s eyes when they kissed, the way his mouth had quirked as Sasuke’s name slipped out, the way he’d bitten his lip as he climaxed. 

It was all too much. He couldn’t take it and he was a fool for not having deactivated it the moment he’d felt it stirring. He could remember Rock Lee’s Konoha Senpu technique as perfectly as he did the moment he’d seen it. He could remember death and narrow victories as clearly as he could see his own hands in front of him now. He could also remember how Naruto had looked, vulnerable, flushed, shaking, and wholly powerless, whispering fevered confessions against pale lips.

It hurt. It hurt so badly it felt like a part of him had been ripped out. Sasuke kept walking forward, head low; townspeople in his path scattered like pigeons as he approached. When he’d finally made it back to the Uchiha compound, his throat was tight with emotion. He passed countless empty houses until he reached the door of his own, went inside, and slid the door shut behind him. The lock clicked and echoed in his silent abode. A drop of something warm fell down his cheek but he did not react, standing with one hand still on the turned deadbolt as tears welled up and blurred his vision. A single choked sob escaped him; it sounded so pitiful that rage replaced sorrow and a guttural yell tore from his throat instead. When the echo had faded, he was left with nothing but the sound of his breathing and the rush of blood in his ears. Tears slipped over his chin and to the floor and he simply watched as more followed suit, forming a small puddle between the soles of his black sandals.


	5. strawberry blond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love it when you call my name.

Boruto was a baby when Naruto received the nomination for Hokage. He accepted the title on stage in front of the village, apparently with dark circles so large they were visible from the back of the crowd. Sasuke had heard, anyway. He’d watched, but from a distance so great he wasn’t sure if Naruto could even sense his presence. He hoped not. Sasuke watched from the top of a huge hill as the spiky blond pinprick disappeared behind a white and red hat and robe. He couldn’t help but give a slight smile. The idiot’s dream had finally come true. The smile dropped from his face almost immediately and Sasuke was left with a bitterness that seemed to stem from inside his bones. 

He ached all over as he returned to his compound, the familiar still quiet settling over him as he took long, even breaths. He walked through his house to the koi pond, sitting down cross legged beside it. He closed his eyes and exhaled as he took in the gentle sounds of the garden, centering himself. He tried not to think about what Naruto would be doing after the ceremony. More than likely he’d return home to his wife and child, the thought of which made Sasuke ill. It wasn’t his business, he reminded himself just as a very familiar chakra came into range. Sasuke opened his eyes when a shadow fell over him; Naruto appeared in his new robes, breathless, but grinning. His dark circles were evident, that’s for sure, but Sasuke couldn’t help but think he looked as charming as ever.

“Sasuke.”

Sasuke just looked back at him evenly, guarding his face from the fluttering feelings he was currently fighting. The sunlight radiating from behind him made it seem like he wore a crown of fire. 

“You came,” Naruto gave a disbelieving laugh, blond lashes dewy in the light. 

Sasuke frowned at that. After a long silence, he opened his mouth to speak, but the blond beat him to it.

“I knew you cared. I knew it.”

He gave another short laugh of relief, wiping at his eyes. Sasuke got to his feet, taking just a few steps closer to the other.

“Of course I care.” His voice was flat. A pause. “Because you’re my friend,” He finished, quoting Naruto from just around a year prior.

Naruto exhaled a humorless laugh. He looked Sasuke in the eye and that cerulean blue had a steely quality that sent chills down his spine.

“Yeah. We are friends.”

His voice was low and he moved forward, now just an arm's length away. Sasuke waited, expression unreadable, as Naruto took another cautious step, brushing his fingers against the back of Sasuke’s hand. When he did not recoil, Naruto took his hand fully. The blond held his hand for just a moment, running a thumb over Sasuke’s scarred knuckles before Naruto blurted out,

“Let me kiss you.”

Somewhat taken aback, Sasuke stared at Naruto much like he had countless times before. He didn’t seem embarrassed by his forwardness. The eagerness and earnestness on his face was endearing, really. Before he could think Sasuke found himself nodding an affirmative and he was pulled by the hand into an embrace. Naruto buried his face in Sasuke’s hair behind his ear just for a moment; the action surprised the brunet by its tenderness. His heart hammered as he tilted his chin downward to meet Naruto for a desperate kiss, tanned hands tangling in his dark hair.

Before long he was pinned to the ground in the soft sand, Naruto above him. The stupid hokage hat had disappeared. He wondered vaguely where it had fallen before he was drawn into another forceful kiss. He felt as though his chest might burst. His heart hammered so loudly he could hardly hear anything else and Naruto was so close; his body heat was driving Sasuke crazy. Naruto repositioned, grinding against him; he could feel the blond’s hardness through their clothes just millimeters from his own and as Naruto bucked his hips again, Sasuke hissed aloud in frustration. Long fingers gripped the back of the hokage cloak and pulled Naruto backward just far enough so he couldn’t reach Sasuke’s face. The betrayed look Naruto gave him could have been amusing if he wasn’t painfully aroused at the moment. 

“Stop teasing and fuck me, you idiot,” Sasuke growled, causing Naruto’s pout to evaporate. His eyes were wide for just a moment, as if he’d never considered the possibility. When the initial shock had worn off, there was a hint of anxiety in his eyes, but a small, crooked smile on his face. 

“Being rude isn’t a way to get what you want, Sasuke.”

“Fuck me _now._”

Naruto just scoffed.

“You really are the worst,” he remarked, but was cut off abruptly as Sasuke wrenched him forward by the cloak’s collar into another painfully hard kiss. 

Just like every time before, Naruto melted when their lips met. His eyelashes fluttered closed over those cerulean irises cloudy with arousal and Sasuke couldn’t help but ache at the display. His sharingan had activated again and he couldn’t bring himself to stop as he slipped his hand underneath Naruto’s shirt. 

“Naruto….” Sasuke murmured as he traced downward to the waistband of Naruto’s pants with a single finger. 

“What?” Naruto whispered back, holding his breath, eyes cast downward in the direction of Sasuke’s hand. 

“What are you waiting for?”

Blue eyes snapped to his, expression deadly serious. After just a moment’s hesitation, Naruto initiated a kiss, but it was much softer, much more deliberate. Sasuke froze at that. He wasn’t expecting it to be so soft. For some reason, softness hurt. 

As if Naruto could read his mind, he pulled back and cupped Sasuke’s face with both hands. Sasuke thought he would say something, but instead, he leaned in for another, even slower kiss. It made his head light. 

He bit Naruto’s lower lip hard and the blond gasped but did not reciprocate; he just slid one hand to the back of Sasuke’s head, the other down to his waist, pulling him closer.

Sasuke felt tears pricking at his eyes as he gave in, matching Naruto’s measured, tender rhythm, his one hand resting at the base of Naruto’s throat. He gripped it lightly and Naruto just shivered and exhaled hard against his lips. Against his training, Naruto lifted his head to allow more access and Sasuke took it, gently running his palm across the other man’s adam’s apple, fingers on either side of his neck.

Naruto just kissed him more insistently until Sasuke was too dizzy to speak; then, Naruto pulled back, bright blue eyes clouded with thought.

“Inside, then. To the bed,” he got out, voice low.

Sasuke just nodded mutely as Naruto pulled back, getting to his feet. He gripped Sasuke’s hand to help him to his feet as well as they entered the small house’s sliding door. Sasuke led the way to his bedroom and he reached into his closet to retrieve a small bottle of lubricant, which upon seeing it caused Naruto to break out in a dark blush. Sasuke just looked at him, deadpan.

“I’m fine!” Naruto protested, voice breaking just slightly.

The brunet shook his head with a sigh before he was pulled into Naruto’s arms again. 

“We don’t have to do this.”

In fact, we shouldn’t.

“I know,” was all he could manage to get out. He looked at Sasuke with such desperation, such longing that the dark haired man had an intimate knowledge of; they ached for the same reasons.

This time, Sasuke was the one to lean down for a kiss that was eagerly reciprocated. He guided Naruto to the bed on the floor and they sat with slight difficulty, Naruto breaking away to exclaim in frustration.

“Why is your bed on the floor?!”

Sasuke blinked.

“You can leave if you don’t like it.”

“No! Sasuke, please,” he whined, facing Sasuke, eyes bright. “Stop saying that.”

“Then stop complaining.”

Naruto couldn’t help but crack a grin at that, shoulders falling. He shook his head with a laugh and reached towards his friend, bandaged fingers brushing the tips of dark hair.

“Never change, Sasuke.”

Sasuke almost asked what he meant by that but was cut off as hands cupped either side of his face and soft lips were on his once again. He’d noticed before, but the more time he spent close to him, he realized exactly how incredible the effect of the Kyuubi’s chakra actually was. Naruto’s skin had virtually no blemishes. His lips were silken and smooth. Even his exposed hand that should be calloused from years of training was soft.

Sasuke took ahold of the situation and pulled the hokage cloak off of his shoulders, tossing it aside on the futon. Then, he gripped Naruto’s shirt with new vigor, pulling it over his head. 

“W-wait,” Naruto bit out as Sasuke’s deft hand began untying his drawstring. His hand stilled.  
“Can I keep the cloak on?”

“...you’re an idiot.”

Naruto gave a slightly embarrassed smile but said nothing in defense of himself as he pulled the cloak back on over his bare shoulders. His jaw fell open as Sasuke freed him from his confines. He should have looked stupid, but with the ghost of a blush on his cheeks and those heavy lidded eyes, he looked a picture of lust. 

He was thicker than Sasuke remembered. But that’s what the lube was for. The blond gasped as Sasuke jerked his wrist once, fingers wrapped around his shaft. 

“Whoah, if you want to get to it all, you better relax,” Naruto gave a nervous, high pitched laugh that devolved into a moan as the pale hand moved again, but slower this time. 

“Seems like you’re the one who needs to relax,” Sasuke observed as Naruto swiftly gripped the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head and tossing it to the other side of the room. 

Naruto gave him a look in response but held his tongue as he undid Sasuke’s drawstring as well. The cool air surprised him for just a moment before a hot hand wrapped around him and his pants found the same corner his shirt had been hurled to. They matched rhythms slowly for a moment and Naruto leaned forward not for a kiss but to rest his damp forehead against Sasuke’s. His eyes closed and his lips parted as they both gave another few pumps of their wrists and Sasuke couldn’t bring himself to look away; his vision sharpened and he knew the sharingan was activating again and did nothing to stop it. Those cerulean eyes cracked open and he looked right back at Sasuke with a look that melted him to his core. 

Sasuke crashed his mouth against Naruto’s without another thought. The blond moaned loudly and shuddered in his arms as he wrapped his hand around both of them, giving another few experimental jerks. 

“Sasuke, stop….” Naruto trailed off, mumbling incoherently. Likely something about not being able to last much longer. He slowed his ministrations and Naruto let out a short sigh of pleasure and relief against Sasuke’s lips. 

Sasuke quickly found the bottle of lube and cracked it open above his palm. He coated Naruto in it with even slower movements, knowing the slickness would only add to the problem Naruto was facing. His brow was furrowed and his eyes screwed shut in concentration and Sasuke stared unabashedly. 

“W-wait, what about you?” Naruto asked, eyes creaking open and the other man paused. “Don’t you need to be… prepared… or something?”

Sasuke couldn’t hold back a low laugh. 

“Have you been doing research?”

An even deeper blush crept up from behind the blond’s ears. 

“....maybe.”

“I’ll be fine.”

Naruto’s face screwed up in a way that suggested he didn’t know whether or not to be offended by that statement. Sasuke laughed again before kissing him and pulling him to a laying position. They lay on their sides facing one another; Naruto’s tongue grazed his teeth and Sasuke parted them; an electric shock went down his spine as they deepened the kiss and Naruto’s warm hands pulled him closer. 

Sasuke had always used sex as a point of leverage. Manipulation wasn’t quite the right word, or at least, that’s what he told himself. He’d had a few partners on the road, mostly to ensure their loyalty and favor, and no one had ever made him ache this way before. He felt it in his bones when they touched and he explicitly knew he would never feel this way about anyone else. Their bond transcended lifetimes, literally. Sun and moon, yin and yang; like a magnet, they would always be drawn to each other. And yet, in this lifetime, and in so many others, they were kept apart.

Two hands found Sasuke’s waist and gently turned him onto his stomach. Naruto let out a long breath as he got to his knees behind Sasuke, grabbing the small bottle with only mild hesitation. Sasuke just waited patiently as hands found his hips and gently pulled him onto his hand and knees. He heard the cap of the bottle pop open and after a moment a bandaged hand rested carefully on the small of his back. 

“Hurry up,” Sasuke was surprised at how whiny his voice had sounded. But they’d been kissing for what felt like hours and he was bent over, going wild with anticipation. 

Naruto laughed, but it wasn’t necessarily amused. His tone was the same as it was when they sparred. Confident. Cocky. Teasing.

“You’ll be fine.”

Sasuke cursed his own words for just a second before he felt a slick digit graze him. Uncomfortable for just a moment, but then he soon found himself pushing back against an overly-cautious Naruto. 

“Holy shit,” he murmured, then caught up with Sasuke’s rhythm; he added a finger and the brunet moaned lowly.

“Hurry. Up.” Sasuke asserted.

Naruto withdrew his fingers, still slightly in awe, and Sasuke heard the bottle cap click open once more. After just a moment of anticipation, he gasped as Naruto slowly eased himself inside. Slow, much too slow. He pushed his hips backward and the pain made his eyes water but it was _good_ and Naruto cried out against the back of his ear.

“You’re so tight it hurts,” Naruto breathed.

Sasuke had to buck his hips again because Naruto had stopped moving. The hokage cloak slipped off of Naruto’s shoulders and pooled around their legs.

“Move, it stings,” Sasuke barked and the other immediately obliged.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” The blond pulled nearly all the way out, then carefully eased himself back in, at a rhythm Sasuke was setting. To have that voice in his ear making obscene sounds made him dizzy; Naruto was painfully thick and that just added to it all. He changed angles slightly and Sasuke saw stars.

“Don’t stop.”

To his credit, Naruto did what he was told when it mattered. He found that spot again and again as one hand reached around, pumping just twice before Sasuke came undone. He pushed back against Naruto hard and cried out; Naruto followed suit, moaning loud against Sasuke’s hair and gripping his hips so hard they hurt.

Afterwards, there was a long silence where they lay side by side, noses nearly touching; Naruto’s eyes were closed but Sasuke’s were open, observing the other’s face quietly. He’d never had an experience like that before. The intensity of their intimacy intimidated him, but somehow it fit into their dynamic naturally.

“I love you.”

Sasuke just stared and after a few moments the blond cracked his eyes open to look at him.

“You still can’t say it? That’s disappointing.”

A lump formed in his throat and he couldn’t swallow or speak. He just looked back at Naruto hoping that he could tell how he felt, that he knew what he couldn’t say. Blue eyes turned glassy with tears before he spoke again.

“We can’t do this anymore.” 

Panic flooded his body and he gripped Naruto by the shoulder tightly. He needed to speak before it was too late again. Fear made him dizzy and it was hard to breathe.

“I do love you,” Sasuke finally bit out. “And you’re right.”

They stared at each other before Sasuke let go of him and looked away, cutting off Naruto’s intense blue gaze. 

“Leave.”

Naruto did not move at first. Then, he suddenly closed the gap between them and kissed Sasuke hard, open mouthed, and messy. He pulled back and Sasuke missed his taste immediately.

“I love you,” Naruto repeated, “and... I need you.”

“What about her?” Sasuke asked immediately.

There was a heavy pause before Naruto could answer.

“I hate thinking about it. But I have to be there for my son.”

Sasuke just nodded. He never expected anything less. Naruto had always had a strong sense of duty and obligation. His family was a part of that. Sasuke figured he could find a way to repress the guilt for the endorphin rush that was Naruto, at least for now.

“What time is it?”

“6:27,” Naruto said, then hopped to his feet, throwing on his clothes. “I just realized I’m late getting home.”

Sasuke just stared at him, seething with envy, but keeping his face level. As much as he tried to contain it, it seemed as though Naruto could tell. He got dressed and kneeled on Sasuke’s bed again to kiss his forehead, cheek, then lips.

“I love you, Sasuke. Don’t forget that.”

“I love you.” Sasuke cleared his throat. “And… congratulations, Hokage-sama.”

Naruto beamed with pride as they kissed one last time and he headed out the door. Sasuke remained in his bed, naked and fairly sore. He tried not to think about how Naruto was headed home to celebrate his election with his beautiful wife and their infant, largely unsuccessfully. He’d never considered himself overly sentimental but to be a part of Naruto’s home would be a privilege. He cursed his own weakness. Naruto should know that he didn’t have to be married to be a good parent. And yet… here he was, playing second fiddle to a trophy wife with no personality.

He exhaled hard onto his pillow, laying face down. That wasn’t fair. Just because she was quiet and he’d never even considered speaking to her didn’t mean she wasn’t a good person. He would have no way of knowing.


	6. wife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For if I am not yours, what am I?
> 
> **revised**

It was two years later that the word got out that Hinata was pregnant again. He’d first heard it as a rumor that Sasuke overheard in the streets while at his favorite Konoha tea vendor between missions. It had made him nauseated but he dismissed it; Naruto hadn’t said anything of the sort in their correspondence. He had just returned from an escort mission in the Land of Thunder, and a fairly high paying one at that. 

He had an in with the hokage now, meaning he no longer had to work the bottom of the barrel D and C ranked missions Tsunade threw towards him. He was doing regular work, keeping busy, and traveling. He minimized his contact with Naruto, which may not have been a good thing in the end; when they did finally see each other it was common that they would entirely sweep off Naruto’s desk and cover each other in bruises. Naruto at least healed quickly; Sasuke was stuck with the evidence. Luckily he’d always had a gift of repelling unwanted social contact with a look. 

He had taken his tea from the vendor and gone home. He found Naruto standing in his back garden, watching koi swim lazily in circles.

“Is it true?”

Naruto turned to face him, guilt evident in his expression. Rage welled up from Sasuke’s core and blocked his throat. It wasn’t fair. He dropped the bag of tea in the soft sand and took several steps forward, delivering a solid punch to Naruto’s cheek. It immediately began to bruise.

“Why didn’t you block?” Sasuke grit out, knuckles and chest aching.

“I fucked up, Sasuke, and I’m sorry.” Tears spilled over from those crystal blue eyes and his anger evaporated and was replaced with sorrow.  
“I don’t expect you to listen or care.” He paused. “I mean, you shouldn’t. But I’m sorry.”

Naruto took a small, hesitant step towards him and he resisted the immediate urge to shuffle backward. Instead, a tinge of righteous frustration overtook him and he reached out to brush the fresh bruise with a cool finger before pulling Naruto in for a kiss by his cloak. He nipped Naruto’s bottom lip, for the first time using his slight height advantage to dominate the other. Again he rested his hand at the base of Naruto’s neck, but this time, he squeezed just slightly. Naruto moaned into his mouth, clearly melting under his touch. They broke apart and Naruto just stared at him, wide eyed, as if he couldn’t believe what was happening. And Sasuke really couldn’t either. He shouldn’t. But rage and lust intermingled and drove him forward.

“Inside,” Sasuke ordered, and Naruto just nodded breathlessly, eyes barely open. They made it to Sasuke’s bed in record time. The lube was cracked open immediately and clothes were thrown aside. Anger still flowed from Sasuke’s core and he showed it; his touch was not gentle, his kisses came with teeth, and Naruto couldn’t get enough. Sasuke shoved him flat on his back on the futon and Naruto’s face flushed, eyes widened with anticipation. Tanned legs were spread and with his hand Sasuke pulled one upward, allowing him full access while Naruto just watched with bated breath. Sasuke started slow, with just one slender slickened finger, and the blond’s eyes screwed shut in humiliation; a deep blush crept up his cheeks from behind his ears but he did not protest, instead he ground out a low moan at the unfamiliar sensation.

“Sasuke….” 

Sasuke crashed their mouths together again, teeth clacking and tongues intermingling just to keep his name out of that idiot’s mouth. 

“Shut up.”

Without much warning he added another finger and Naruto’s body shuddered heavily.

“Kind of hurts.”

“I know.”

At that, Sasuke regained some control of his frustration, moving less carelessly, as he pressed a kiss to Naruto’s temple.The blond shivered again with a quiet, embarrassed moan.The sharingan activated as Sasuke observed his face but it was gone in a flash. 

“Do it,” Naruto panted, half lidded eyes burning into Sasuke’s mismatched own; he simply had to oblige. Sasuke coated himself in lube and hooked one of Naruto’s legs over his shoulder before gently, carefully pressing in. It was tight enough to hurt him; he knew it had to sting. Naruto gasped aloud and he pulled back, moving mercifully quick. He waited for a nod from Naruto before trying again. It was easier but the blond’s face still twisted in pain. He withdrew again and Naruto let out a small whine. 

“Don’t stop, I can take it.”

At that, it became a challenge. Sasuke pushed back in, less gently this time, and drew out another loud gasp. He began to retreat before Naruto caught his hips in a vice grip, letting out a growl. Sasuke could feel finger shaped bruises forming on his hips but hardly noticed. He moved faster and deeper and Naruto did nothing but encourage him. He adjusted his angle and Naruto yelped; Sasuke found that spot again and again as Naruto cried out at every thrust. Sasuke was never so grateful for an empty compound. He slowed his rhythm and grabbed Naruto by the chin to kiss him. 

“I’m yours.”

“What?”

“I’m yours,” Sasuke repeated as his eyes slipped closed and he pressed his forehead to Naruto’s. “And you’re mine.”

“I’m yours,” he echoed, voice thick with emotion, and Sasuke knew it wasn’t true. Naruto finished with another thrust and Sasuke followed suit, burying his face in sunshine yellow hair.

Sasuke disappeared to take a quick shower and when he came back, Naruto was still in the bed entirely naked. Surprising. He was half expecting him to be gone. He didn’t seem to have moved. 

“You okay?” Sasuke asked, sitting on the bed beside him.

Naruto lifted his head to look at him, cheeks still red and eyes dewy. 

“That was insane. Why haven’t we done that before?”

Sasuke didn’t say anything at first but felt an involuntary smile appear on his face. 

Naruto immediately returned it, eyes shining. Sasuke knew he never smiled. He didn’t realize that meant it would become such a spectacle when he did.

“I don’t prefer it but I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“You ‘don’t prefer it?’ Then why are you so good at it?” He didn’t wait for a response as he rolled over on his back to stare at the ceiling.  
“I don’t even know what’s better. Both ways are… mind blowing, honestly.”

_Then why did you have to get her pregnant again?_

Sasuke bit his tongue and bitterness flooded his mouth. 

“When is your wife expecting you back?”

The smile dropped off Naruto’s face.

“7. Then I’m back at the office at 8. The chuunin exams are coming up and there’s a lot to prepare for.”

Sasuke looked at the clock. 6:30.

“You’d better go.”

“I can stay a little longer,” the blond regained a much smaller smile and outstretched a hand towards Sasuke. 

Sasuke just looked at his hand without a word. Naruto hesitantly withdrew it, expression fading into anxiety.

“Sasuke, what--”

“Go. To your family. Get out of here.”

Naruto said nothing to that; after a brief pause he gathered his clothes, wincing only slightly. When he was fully dressed, he walked up to Sasuke who flanked the doorway. Naruto looked regretful, but Sasuke could never be sure of what. He leaned in for a kiss and despite himself Sasuke let him. When they broke apart, Naruto spoke.

“I’m yours. Okay?”

Those sparkling blue eyes were desperate for validation and a pit formed under Sasuke’s sternum.

“I think we both know that’s not true.”

Naruto just stared at him, speechless for just a moment.

“Why did you invite me here?”

_What are you gaining from this?_

Sasuke stared back, unable to provide an answer. He went out into the garden to give the other time to leave. When he came back inside a few minutes later, the bedroom was empty. The only evidence of their encounter were the tangled sheets on his still warm bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you commented and I heard! presenting: more guilt, more Sasuke being a hot mess, while still featuring the same BAD DECISIONS!!


	7. geyser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're the one I want, and I've turned down every hand that has beckoned me to come.
> 
> **revised**

Naruto, Shikamaru, Chouji, Kiba, Shino, Lee, and Sai usually got together for card games once a week. Sasuke had gone to exactly once before deeming it far too much exposure. Shino and Sai were bearable enough because they were quiet, yet said the strangest shit when they did eventually speak. Naruto, Lee, and Kiba were loud and Shikamaru and Chouji would join them when properly worked up. Sasuke could only take so much. Not to mention the fact that they would most often meet at Naruto’s house in the Hyuuga compound. He absolutely did not want to step foot onto those grounds.

Uchiha and Hyuuga relations were historically tense. Even if Sasuke gave a shit about that, he would still be fucking Hyuuga Hinata’s husband. That is, he had been fucking her husband. They hadn’t spoken in months, much less anything else; Sasuke was glad he had money saved up so he didn’t have to ask for a mission. Eventually, though… He tried not to think about it.

On a whim, Sasuke went to a bar late during the week. He spent about an hour sipping sake alone when a vaguely familiar voice called out to him. He peered over his shoulder to lock eyes with a young man with a wolfish grin and sharp eyes. The Inuzuka. Sasuke was confused. They’d hardly ever spoken, not even when they were genin together.

“Sasuke! I’ve never seen you around here, how are ya?”

Kiba took a seat next to him at the bar, leaning back onto his elbows. Those eyes were sharp and when he spoke, it looked like his teeth were as well. His head spun just slightly and his tongue burned.

“Fine.”

He wasn’t sure why he even answered.

“Cool, cool. So, what’re you drinking? Sake? Want some more on me?”

He grinned at Sasuke again and for some reason he didn’t say no. Sasuke poured sake for the both of them and Kiba jabbered on and on about his dog and Sasuke barely listened, but he watched. His head spun faster and before he knew it he was walking to Kiba’s apartment, the world spinning slightly around him.

The door shut behind them and he was led past a dark living room to Kiba’s bedroom; Akamaru was waiting for him. He at least had the decency to kick the dog out before inviting Sasuke to his bed. It smelled vaguely like dog but the look Kiba was giving him made Sasuke weak in the knees. 

Chapped lips and sharp teeth. There was no tenderness here, just lust. Sasuke supposed he was more accustomed to that, but it made him feel hollow. Without words, Kiba guided him onto his hand and knees. He fucking would, was all Sasuke could think as the other brunet found lube in his bedside table and applied it liberally. He closed his eyes and tried not to think of why he was currently so attracted to a random classmate; his temperament and his canine (rather than vulpine) features were so painfully familiar. He left as soon as they finished, a sick feeling deep in the pit of his stomach. 

Apparently the next week the former rookies met to play cards. Sasuke only knew because Naruto appeared in his garden.

“Why’d you do it?”

Sasuke just looked up from the pond at him.

“Kiba. Why?”

It wasn’t as if he didn’t know what Naruto was referring to. He just would rather not address it. He couldn’t say he was particularly surprised that the Inuzuka had told other people. Naruto’s reaction, however, was catching him off guard. He looked back towards his pond, the koi drifting around the food he’d thrown for them.

“I don’t think that’s any of your business.”

A silence fell between them but the rustle of the wind through the leaves around them was deafening. Naruto suddenly looked sheepish, as though it hadn’t occurred to him that he had absolutely no ground to stand on. Anger flared, but calmed just as quickly.

“Naruto, what claim do you think you have to me?”  
Sasuke turned to look at him again, rinnegan swirling across from one charcoal iris.  
“We’re friends. Nothing more.” A pause. “You decided that.”

“I never chose--”

At that, Sasuke was on his feet. He took several steps towards Naruto, glowering down at him, the Mangekyou blazing in one eye, cool rinnegan in the other.

“Every day you go home to _her_ you make your choice.”

His phantom palm ached in the shape of a crescent moon and Naruto flexed his bandaged hand as if he felt it too. He looked small. Sasuke hated it. Naruto looked down, contemplating, before he opened his mouth to speak.

“Just give me some time, Sasuke,” he stated, looking back up at him imploringly. Sasuke’s Mangekyou faded back into black, but his stony expression remained unchanged.  
“I don’t know what to do yet, but trust me, I’m going to make this right.”

Sasuke looked back at him, tilting his head slightly. Naruto just waited for a response, holding his gaze. His eyes had that ever familiar look of determination that was so characteristically him. It was the first time he'd been recognizable in what felt like years. The man who would betray his family, lie to his wife's face, was unfamiliar and weak. Sasuke loved him the same, but also resented him. This glimmer of personality gave him hope.

“Do whatever you need to do. Just leave me out of it.”

At that, Sasuke turned and entered his house, snapping the door shut behind him. Naruto had looked relieved, which is not exactly the reaction Sasuke was anticipating. Perhaps Naruto thought his statement was noncommittal; to be fair, he had been in the past. Sasuke gave a short laugh as he sat down on a soft mat by his bookshelf. He didn't appreciate not being taken seriously.

Mistakes were made. That much he could understand. Youthful experimentation had turned into a lifelong commitment, not once but twice, and at that point, Sasuke couldn’t help but be affronted. To be fair, Sasuke was gone so often and their visits so infrequent that it was probably easy for Naruto to fall back into domestic life.

Still.

As much as he hated himself for it, he found himself growing smug thinking of Naruto’s reactions to his touch; it was obvious he wasn’t finding that kind of satisfaction at home. Especially the last time they were together. Sasuke wondered why he’d been overcome with the desire to dominate Naruto, but the reasons were simple. Envy and rage. He’d needed to feel control. Smugness gave way to shame. While it’s true that control had been a large factor in most of his previous encounters, it was never that way with him. He trusted Naruto with his life and vice versa. 

He supposed that’s why the betrayals hurt more, and that’s why Sasuke couldn’t even imagine cutting him off. He couldn't.

And yet.


	8. lonesome love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why am I lonely for lonesome love?

Another four months had passed and Naruto still had not said a word to Hinata. He had been spending more and more nights in the Hokage’s office but as far as Sasuke knew, she was still unaware. 

“She’s pregnant, Sasuke. I can’t tell her yet,” Naruto had argued, but the dread in his eyes was impossible to miss.

He knew he had fucked up and was trying to arrange how the pieces would fall. But even Sasuke, as antisocial as he was, knew people were unpredictable. He would have to be the one to show it. 

“You’re a coward, Naruto,” he’d said, entering the Hokage’s office through the window across the room from his desk. His focus shot up from what he was writing, surprised.

“What?”

“I won’t be a part of this. I’ve been weak, but I won’t do it anymore.”

Naruto’s eyes widened just a fraction, then he let out a sigh. He’d likely been waiting for this. And it should have happened sooner. 

“I’m leaving the village. Don’t you dare try to stop me this time.”

Naruto just nodded. He knew he had no ground to stand on. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He cleared his throat and tried again. 

“I’ll still fix things, Sasuke.”

His voice was hoarse. 

“That doesn’t concern me.”

“Still. You should know.”

Sasuke turned and left the office just as suddenly as he’d come. His chest burned but at the same time, he felt strangely free. His hands were far from clean but they were closer. 

As for Naruto…. he could clean his own mess. Sasuke returned to his small homestead, packed everything of note (which wasn’t much,) and left through the main gate, with much less fanfare than the last time he’d taken off. He needed time alone, and there was no better way than to leave everything behind. He knew that by now. 

Everything felt lighter once he’d crossed the threshold out of the village. Even the air was less stifling. His bones hurt with what he’d had to do but Naruto didn’t seem to be waking up any faster. For someone who had saved humanity, he could be incredibly selfish. The only way to help himself was to leave. He supposed it might be true for the blond as well, but was surprised to find he didn’t particularly care. He needed the space to discover a purpose after Itachi’s death, after the war had ended. A purpose that wasn’t being the moon to Naruto’s sun. Maybe he’d succeeded in breaking that bond after all, and despite how much it hurt, everything was much lighter afterward.


	9. i bet on losing dogs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll be there on their side.

Sasuke traveled for weeks in one direction, not sure where he was headed, and not trying to do anything in particular. He had enough money saved up from missions that he didn’t have to worry for a while longer. He knew shinobi work never ran out and would always find him, so he shut the worry from his mind as he traveled. He camped away from the road and never stayed in hotels. The cost was too high and he didn’t want to risk being recognized. It’s not that he was worried for his life, but more so for the continuation of his former one.

He had just crossed the border into unclaimed lands when he had finally grown tired of wild rabbits and the occasional bird. He was near Sound territory and a few areas he’d passed were vaguely familiar. It was a strange feeling to come to sites of old regrets while healing from new ones. He’d reached a bar just inside the Sound border and sat down for a drink and some food before he felt a familiar chakra nearby.

“Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in!”

A pale arm hooked around his shoulder and, to its owner’s surprise, Sasuke didn’t immediately tear it off. He looked over his shoulder into a remarkably sharp, toothy grin.

“Suigetsu. It’s been a while.”

“Aww, did you miss me, Sasuke?”

At the sound of his name, there was a small ruckus. Sasuke braced himself.

“Did you say Sasuke?!”

A bespectacled redheaded woman was by his side before he could even blink.

“Karin.”

“I can’t believe it’s you! Wow, Suigetsu, what are the odds?”

Suigetsu gave a shrug and Sasuke blinked twice. Seeing them together now was bewildering, at least. At the risk of sounding narcissistic, he always believed that he was the link between the two, considering their tendency to fight like rats in a cage.

“Don’t you two hate each other?”

They exchanged a glance. Suigetsu looked momentarily embarrassed but Karin puffed out her chest, as if offended.

“Now Sasuke, much has changed since we parted ways. Suigetsu and I have an understanding.”

“The understanding is for us to stick together because we have nowhere else to be,” Suigetsu chimed in, and Karin blushed pink.

“That’s not true! The understanding, is, in fact, to find a place to be,” she corrected, cutting her eyes at Suigetsu as she adjusted her glasses.

“Juugo, too,” Suigetsu finished, pointing over at a table towards easily the largest man in the room. 

“That makes four of us.”

“Oh, really, Sasuke? Soul-searching, are we? Well, search no further,” Suigetsu threw his arm around Sasuke once more and he grimaced but did not withdraw.  
“A group of like-minded wanderers, back together again. Taka lives!”

Sasuke just rolled his eyes but did not argue. Karin also had an excited grin and Juugo was still at the table alone, looking down at his steaming cup of sake with a relaxed expression. Sasuke had been masking his chakra since he came within range of a town, but it was distinct enough that Juugo likely recognized it. Especially considering his previous interest in Sasuke’s strength. 

“Oh, and you’d be proud,” Suigetsu beamed. “I’ve only killed, like, 4 people since we last saw each other.”

“Should be zero.”

“You’re so critical, what if some were in self defense?!”

“Were any of them?”

“I mean, what _if_ they were?”

Karin sighed loudly and shook her head, placing her hands on her hips.

“Suigetsu, that’s enough. They fucking weren’t and you know it.” Then, sweetly, “Sasuke, please join us at our table.”

He nodded and all three of them joined Juugo at the table, who just gave Sasuke a pleasant smile. Sasuke was truly surprised to see the three of them together still, but then again, where did they have to be? They had all been subjected to Orochimaru’s imprisonment and/or experimentation and had no immediate family or home. It made sense that they would find refuge in each other.

“Where were you headed?” Sasuke asked, glancing at the three of them. Karin’s eyes were sparkling; obviously she’d missed him. Suigetsu was all teeth and laughs to his left. Juugo was across from him and looked positively serene. 

“Rain country. You?”

“The same.”

Sasuke gave a small smile as he looked around at his companions. It was nice to not be alone anymore.


	10. keys to good living

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> such a beautiful day to go out and fight, to make my mark til the last fires burn bright.

It had been roughly six months since Taka reformed. Sasuke had become the unofficial leader again, deciding where they head next. It was obvious that he was avoiding leaf country, but no one addressed it; instead, they were content wandering how they saw fit. 

At one point they’d come across a band of thieves on the road; they were dispatched easily.

Despite there being no more war between nations, outlaws were active on the fringes of civilization. It gave Sasuke explicit pleasure to liberate a small town from tyranny committed by a group of brigands, or to free a group of slaves from their captors. 

They had slaughtered the traffickers, knowing their allies were rich enough to free them and they were too evil to spare.

“The only good slave owner is a dead slave owner,” Suigetsu had said, and not one of them argued. 

They’d mostly been camping on their bedrolls and Karin had been getting tired of it. She brought up the possibility of staying at a hot springs and inn in the mountains nearby across the border of the Village of Rock, and eventually, Suigetsu had picked up on her musings too. Juugo was quiet as usual, but even he had chimed in, 

“That sounds nice.”

Sasuke couldn’t disagree. His muscles were sore from sleeping on the hard ground and fighting battles, but in a way he had missed during his time in Konoha. As hard as it was being a shinobi, being one with nature and keeping perfectly in tune with your surroundings was an exercise in mindfulness he had desperately needed. Meditating in his garden just wasn’t nearly enough. They could only spare the cost for one night, but it seemed worth it.

Taka walked together along the road towards the mountains. Thoughts roiled in his head as he walked and he couldn’t hear what Karin and Suigetsu were jabbering about over the sound of his own compounding mind. 

In a way he missed Konoha but felt saner outside its walls. Whether it be the shadows of his slaughtered family in his ancestral home or a certain blond incubus, there was always something that weighed heavily on him there. In the end, he thought that returning “home” would help, but he only discovered that he had no home. His time away had severed the ties completely and he was only slightly surprised that he didn’t really miss them. He’d only stayed after the war because of his best friend, and that became very complicated very quickly.

His hand tightened around the strap of his pack. Why did that asshole have to confess? He was never good at keeping things to himself. Sasuke didn’t want to believe he was as selfish as he’d been acting, but the proof was before him. Naruto had strung him along because he didn’t have the balls to end it with the mother of his children. A hard decision to make, yes, but it’s one that requires a choice. Sasuke refused to wait forever, and honestly, he shouldn’t have tried to wait at all. He’d been so lost after he returned that he clung to the one familiar thing he had left: Naruto. 

A hand clapped him on the shoulder and he jumped.

“You ok, Sasuke?”

Sasuke looked back at Suigetsu, who looked slightly concerned. They all stopped walking, and Karin and Juugo faced him as well, all mirroring Suigetsu’s worry. 

“You look pale!” Karin gasped, reaching out to touch his forehead before he caught her hand partway, lowering and releasing it. 

“I’m fine.” There was a beat of silence. “Thank you.”

Suigetsu flashed him that signature sharp smile while Karin looked slightly taken aback, unused to any gratitude from him. Juugo just watched amiably. Times had changed, but they weren’t too different, for which Sasuke was thankful. 

After three nights they’d reached the famed inn Karin had been raving about. It looked just as nice as she’d described it. They decided to rent two rooms, each with two beds. Upon deciding who would be in each room, Karin and Suigetsu refused to stay together, so Sasuke rolled his eyes, compromising by rooming with Suigetsu (much to Karin’s lamentation). 

They each headed to the hot spring afterward, Karin alone to the women’s side, bragging about getting her “alone time from disgusting men” while also seeming a little nervous about it. Juugo didn’t stay long, yawning all the way back to the door of his room. Sasuke and Suigetsu were left alone next to one another in the spring.

“Karin was right about this place, it was totally worth the extra walking.”

Suigetsu stretched high above his head with a relaxed sigh.

“I guess,” was all Sasuke said, but his tone was neutral, calm.

“What, you’re telling me you don’t appreciate this right now?”

Suigetsu gestured around them and Sasuke looked around as much as he could without moving his neck. It was gorgeous. The springs were outdoors with dividers between the men and women’s sides. The mountains stretched on endlessly behind them and although Sasuke knew there was likely a magnificent view, he also knew that he was tired and it was dark. He gave a non committal shrug and Suigetsu exclaimed exasperatedly.

“Sometimes you’re just the worst, Sasuke,” Suigetsu sighed. 

He’d heard that one before. They shot the shit for a few more minutes and before he knew it Suigetsu’s lips were on his; he kissed back just as fervently. Razor-like teeth nipped at his lower lip and Sasuke growled, biting back, but Suigetsu just laughed, both challenging and encouraging him. They ended up back at their shared room tangled in one bedroll; Sasuke’s hands pulled pale hair and his dull nails left trails down the other man’s back but Suigetsu loved it. 

Sharp teeth left marks up and down Sasuke’s neck that were still visible the next day, but they both denied it, to Karin’s betrayed shock.

“I can’t believe this,” she exclaimed, and the only reason Sasuke hadn’t opposed her outburst was because they were far enough away from the inn at that point for it to matter.   
“You two are left alone for ONE singular night and you act like animals!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” was all Sasuke offered, touching a sore bruise on his collarbone as the group continued walking. 

Suigetsu snickered wordlessly, looking smug. Sasuke almost felt bad at how devastated Karin seemed, but then again, she should have figured out by now that she wasn’t even a candidate. It had nothing to do with her as a person. Put simply, she was too feminine.

Karin had laid into Suigetsu who just grinned and bickered back, as expected. Juugo was taking up the rear and was looking at the nature around them, blocking out the ruckus. It was a talent of his. 

Sasuke was mostly just thankful the attention was back off of him as they continued forward, still without a specific goal in mind. Instead of causing him anxiety, the freedom put him at ease. There was nowhere else he had to be, no other obligations to attend to, and it was finally a peace for him instead of a paralyzing fear. He finally felt in control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> broke the theme here and this chapter title is inspired by a song by the envy corps. Honestly not overly pleased with this chapter but it's plot progression! thanks for reading.


	11. uneasy hearts weigh the most

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe we can go back to the way it was; well, at least let me love you the same.

Sasuke hadn’t been interested in returning to Konoha for a long time. What had truly piqued his curiosity was to hear through tavern gossip in the Land of Thunder that a few long time government officials were put to death; the stated reason was inciting genocide. The village still largely saw him as a traitor, but he knew only one person who had the power to leverage such political moves. Naruto’s blind faith in their government had always been a source of contempt for Sasuke and it was indescribable to discover that he had been listening after all. 

“Of course we’ll go back to Konoha with you,” Karin said, eyes sparkling.

Sasuke was immediately embarrassed for asking.

“As long as we won’t get arrested, that is,” Suigetsu piped up, laying on his stomach on his bedroll. Sasuke sat by their small fire, looking into it contemplatively.

“We won’t,” Sasuke stated. 

“We could always leave if we don’t like it,” Juugo added.

“It’s decided then,” Karin clasped her hands in front of her, excited. “I don’t think we’ve been to a town so big since Taka reformed!”

Sasuke both looked forward to and dreaded revisiting Konoha. But Juugo was right. They could always leave. Anxiety tried to settle in his chest but he shoved it away. 

They walked for weeks through leaf territory and Sasuke knew they’d been spotted by scouts but had not been approached. That was neither good news nor bad. Sasuke didn’t recognize their chakra but that didn’t mean they didn’t recognize him. 

When they finally reached the gate, to his surprise, they were able to enter without issue. They continued forward until Sasuke heard his name over the crowd.

“Sasuke?”

It was Sakura. He turned toward her and she looked happy, but surprised, of course.

“I can’t believe you’re back.” She took a step towards him but hesitated, eye flickering to his entourage.

“Sakura, this is Suigetsu, Juugo, and Karin. They’re friends of mine.”

They greeted one another and he noticed Sakura eye Karin up and down. Karin seemed to notice as well; she blushed slightly and straightened her posture as Sakura gave her a small, flirtatious smile.

“It’s nice to meet everyone.” Sakura turned towards him and there was a brief pause before she spoke again. “I’m sorry, I’m in a rush, but I’m glad you’re back.” Another pause. “A lot has changed since you left.”

They said their farewells and walked through the streets to his compound to find a locked gate with a sign on the front. Under renovation. That didn’t sit well with him. Curiosity intrigued him and he climbed the fence into his old home while the others followed suit. From what he could see, no major construction had started, but a strange feeling overtook him as he noticed walking past open doors that the blood stained tatami had been ripped up and replaced. 

He reached the small structure that he had called home. The koi pond was still thriving, some familiar fish and some new swirling within the clear water. He could see through his back window that the small bonsai tree he had left behind was also tended to. Someone was coming here often. Sasuke had an inkling he knew who that was, and it brought back the dull ache in his chest he hadn’t felt in years. 

“Wow, fancy,” Suigetsu remarked, and Karin just sighed wistfully, looking around at the traditional buildings and small yet beautiful garden.

“This is all yours, Sasuke?”

He nodded, then stopped walking.

“It’s yours too, now. I need to make a visit.”

Sasuke began back towards his front gate but heard someone catch up with him. Suigetsu gently grabbed his bicep and turned Sasuke to face him.

“Are you sure about this? You’re going to see him, right?”

Sasuke looked back, face even. Suigetsu looked worried. Sasuke appreciated the gesture but at the same time couldn’t help but be annoyed. Before he could speak, Suigetsu did again.

“It’s none of my business. But if he hurts you again, just know I’ll murder him.” 

Suigetsu let go of his arm at that, and Sasuke just left without another word.

He made it to the Hokage's office window, surprised to find Naruto totally alone. The blond's head whipped toward him as soon as he'd appeared.

“You’re back.” 

He stood up so fast that his chair almost fell behind him and papers scattered from his desk but he didn’t take his eye from Sasuke. It was Naruto, 5 years later. He was taller, but still shorter than Sasuke; his jaw had squared more and his hair was sheared closer to his head. It gave Sasuke a strange feeling to see him. He didn’t like it.

“Wait, let me just say something,” Naruto began. “I fucked up. I thought I was making you a priority by continuing to see you. But really I was…” he sucked in a breath through his teeth. “I was using you, and that wasn’t right. You deserve so much more.”

Sasuke just looked back at him. 

“Is that all?”

“No. I told Hinata as soon as you left.”

That was surprising. Sasuke figured that when he left, Naruto would be able to live his life uninterrupted. Apparently that wasn’t the case. Sasuke checked. Sure enough, there was no ring on his finger.

“Why?”

“I had to. I was making everyone live a lie to hold together what I thought I needed. I was wrong. And selfish.”

For some reason hearing it didn’t make it feel better. His throat burned as he spoke.

“Do you expect me to forgive you just because you maintained my house and got a divorce?”

Naruto looked upward, as if pleading with a higher power, then down at his feet in shame. 

“No. I just… wanted you to know. That I took it seriously. And I’m sorry that it took you leaving for me to do that.” 

Sasuke just looked at him, the dull ache in his chest back in full force.

“You should be.”

He felt sick. How many times had he, regrettably, imagined this moment? He thought maybe he could say something cutting and make Naruto leave him alone but he never thought he’d be so genuinely remorseful. Of course, that wasn’t enough to do away with what he’d done. He took a deep breath before speaking again.

“Tell me why you’re executing council members.”

“It’s the punishment for inciting and carrying out genocide,” Naruto replied, eyes carefully trained on Sasuke’s face. They were always so expressive. Right now they held fear and desperation. It was too familiar. 

“Did you do it to get me to come back?”

Naruto looked surprised, blinking those bright blue eyes at him.

“I know how this will sound, but I started the process before you left. It takes a long time to convict.” 

Sasuke wanted to doubt him but it didn’t seem like he was lying.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted to. But it could have compromised the case.”

Sasuke had nothing to say to that; there was a period of silence before Naruto opened his mouth again.

“If you never came back, I was going to restore the compound into a historical district. And if you did… It would be there for you.” A loud silence. “I’m sorry if I overstepped any boundaries.”

He looked scared shitless. Pale, like he’d seen a ghost. Those blue eyes that saw right through him. They were full of regret and sorrow and anxiety and hope and looking into them made Sasuke too anxious to continue; he turned towards the window before saying sharply,

“I didn’t come alone. I met up with old friends while I was gone. They would be valuable to the village if you would let them stay.”

“I’d like to meet your friends.”

Naruto sounded hopeful. Nervous. 

“You’ll probably have to, as hokage.”

Sasuke’s tone was flat. Without further hesitation, he leapt through the window, heading back to the compound, blood rushing in his ears. When he returned, Karin, Juugo, and Suigetsu were conversing animatedly in the garden. He sat down with them and felt Suigetsu’s eyes sharp on him. He met them and his cool gaze made Suigetsu’s intensity lessen. 

They had an understanding. They were good friends that sometimes had physical urges to take care of. But Sasuke sometimes thought Suigetsu was a touch involved, but his protectiveness between him and Naruto didn’t seem to stem from a place of romantic jealousy. He truly cared about Sasuke’s well being and wouldn’t let anyone stand in its way. Suigetsu broke eye contact to chime in with Karin and Juugo while Sasuke just watched, thinking to himself. 

He knew regret wasn’t enough to warrant forgiveness. He felt a hollow ache when he looked at Naruto and hearing his voice was strangely painful in a way he was able to avoid for years. He didn’t like returning to it. Now that he was here he could ask himself honestly, why did he want to come in the first place? Was it because he knew Naruto had punished the people that sealed his family’s fate? Sure, that brought him a sense of justice but he didn’t have to return to Konoha because of it. He had been compelled by a grand gesture, he supposed, and his curiosity was piqued. But now, it was more than that.

Their dynamic didn’t feel the same. The air in the room wasn’t as stifling as it once was when they were together. Sasuke didn’t feel like he was drowning in those ocean eyes anymore; the feeling in his chest was always the same but it wasn’t as crippling. The space Sasuke had put between them when he left was exactly what he needed, and now that he was back, he noticed the sound of friendly voices echoing in his compound seemed to be something else he needed. Clinging to one, flawed person was never the solution he should have pursued. He cracked a small smile at a joke Suigetsu told and the four of them sat there until long after the sun went down, talking and relaxing.


	12. a pearl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I don't want your touch.

It had been another six months since Sasuke and the rest of Taka fell into life in Leaf Country. Karin was smart and knew quite a bit about medical testing from their time with Orochimaru. She worked at the hospital, getting closer and closer to a certain pink haired shinobi, but denied it when asked. Her blush told the truth.

Sasuke wasn’t surprised when Suigetsu chose to leave the village. It was quiet here and Suigetsu wasn’t the type to stay in one place; neither was Juugo, it seemed, who went with him. Sasuke wished them the best; they knew they had places to stay in the Uchiha compound when they decided to visit again. 

He and Karin had gone to the gate to see them off. Suigetsu gave them both firm hugs and flashed them that sharp grin as always.

“You two behave. Karin, you better ask out that cute girl, and Sasuke… be careful.” 

Karin squawked in embarrassed indignation and Sasuke just nodded curtly. 

They did at one point run into Naruto. It was an awkward introduction, and Suigetsu was far from warm, although Naruto did his best. He and Karin discovered that they were likely cousins and that both diffused the awkwardness and took the attention from Sasuke, which was always preferable. In the end, Suigetsu had to admit Naruto seemed like a good guy, but ‘untrustworthy,’ in Suigetsu’s words. Sasuke couldn’t necessarily argue.

“Thanks, Suigetsu. Good luck.” Sasuke paused. “Self defense only.”

“Of course.”

“Juugo, keep him in line,” Karin warned, and Juugo just gave her a look.

Sasuke extended a hand to the larger man, who took it. When they finally left, Karin let out a deep sigh.

“Sakura and I have to catch up on paperwork this afternoon. I’m going to go do that. And pick up some dumplings on the way, they’re her favorite,” she mumbled, clearly thinking out loud.

A half smile appeared on Sasuke’s face.

“Tell her I said hello.”

He returned to the compound alone. It was quiet, but not in an oppressive way like in the past. He and Karin lived here now, and that thought alone comforted him. Naruto had not appeared on his grounds once since he came back. He was thankful for that; he now recognized how inappropriate it was to have happened in the first place. 

Naruto now seemed to be a separate person. He was respecting Sasuke’s boundaries while juggling his parental and governmental responsibilities; the rare occasion where they did see each other, the longing was apparent in Naruto’s eyes. It tugged at something in Sasuke, but he refused to budge. He would look away, ignoring the pain in his chest, and the blond did not push it.

Sasuke took on a few simple missions again, not because he had to, but because he wanted a trip outside to breathe and reset himself. It was refreshing to not have to worry about impending war or getting caught fucking someone’s husband. It was also good to know he was not feeding into a war machine any longer. There was a multi nation treaty and the missions he took were simple escort tasks that required weeks of travel, a lot of it alone. Mentally, he had never felt better. 

He had just returned from a mission and was walking home after turning in the scroll to one of Naruto’s guards, thinking of how best to rake his zen garden when he was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of his name. 

“Sasuke-san, it’s good to see you. It’s been a very long time.”

He looked up and immediately his palms were sweating. Hinata. He had no idea how much had Naruto told her. Her face was cool but not upset.

“Hinata-san,” he greeted.

“The restoration of the Uchiha grounds looks to be going well. I’m glad.” She smiled, small but genuine, tucking some of her sleek dark hair behind her ear. She was alone. Sasuke suspected the children were with their father.

“It was very generous of the hokage to deem it a historical site and fund its development.”   
As soon as Sasuke spoke his heart jumped to his throat. He hadn’t meant to bring him up. Maybe she would gloss over it.

“Yes, the hokage is very generous. He seems to have finally established his priorities.”

She looked away and gave a smile that had a touch of fire behind it, but it wasn’t directed towards him.

“Although at times his decisions may be… questionable, he does have the best for Konoha and its people in mind.”

Those pale eyes flickered back to his and he knew she meant him.

“Sometimes it’s the consequences of his decisions that matter the most,” Sasuke said after a loaded silence, and she just smiled again, much softer this time.

“I would have to agree.” Another, more awkward silence fell between them but Hinata broke it before too long.

“I wanted to speak with you regarding our clans. The Uchiha and Hyuuga have had tense relations that were never resolved.”

He was about to ask her point before she finished unprompted.

“I would like to extend an offer of allyship.”

Sasuke blinked at that, surprised.

“The Uchiha clan is gone.”

“There is one remaining member, and as my own clan’s next leader, I would like to clear the air,” she said firmly.

What he had said about her being a wallflower all those years ago was absolutely incorrect. She could be very persuasive and unyielding. He respected her more than he ever had before in that moment. He nodded wordlessly and she extended a hand. He took it and couldn’t help but give an almost imperceptible smile.

He went back to his home alone, but he didn’t feel lonely, especially when he opened his door to find a small pile of letters from Suigetsu and Juugo over the weeks he had been gone. He smiled to himself and picked up the first dated letter. He felt like he existed more and more each day and for the first time did not dread the future.


	13. epilogue

Justice had been served. Sasuke continued on missions of good will between their new allied nations while the council was refilled with new faces that their Hokage knew he could trust. Shikamaru had even graduated from advisor to a full council member. Kakashi, Might Gai, and Sakura were among the other names that Sasuke recognized. Hinata was even included, much to his initial surprise; as he got to know her better through periodic meetings for tea and politics, he was much less surprised. She was intuitive and smart as a whip. She valued her family and community and knew the art of graceful forgiveness in a way Sasuke admired greatly. 

It was through these periodic meetings that the wealthy Hyuuga clan collaborated with the Uchiha compound to turn a section of the empty buildings into a home for orphaned and refugee children; now, no child would have to grow up alone and inflicted with trauma, abandoned by the system that made them an orphan in the first place. That was Naruto’s wish. Sasuke supported him in it, although he wasn’t particularly fond of children; his home was far enough away from it that he hardly noticed a difference. What he did notice was his peers talking about a strong set of genin who hopefully never had to face conflict like their predecessors had.

Naruto had touched his arm during the opening ceremony for just a moment, like he did to so many other friends and colleagues; he stiffened but called no attention to it, surrounded by a watchful crowd. Sasuke just stood in place, face neutral while blood rushed in his ears. When the ceremony was over, Sasuke retreated back to his home, thoughts roiling in his head.

Since he’d been back, Naruto had been doing everything he could to foster a friendship. Between seeing his kids and his endless office duties, it was awkward at first, and it still often was. But he was making an effort. Sasuke could appreciate that.

He’d been very conscious to maintain a distance for Sasuke’s comfort. (Until today, that is.) He knew that was the case because often he would catch want on Naruto’s face; regret, pain. For a long time, he was glad. He wanted to know that Naruto was repenting for the things he’d done. But now… It didn’t bring satisfaction. To see Naruto long for him when he was just barely resisting himself was, at times, torturous.

Sasuke could admit that he was proud. He didn’t want to give in, and he definitely wasn’t one for second chances. But he had also changed. His occasional yearning wasn’t driven purely by loneliness, but for the companionship of someone he knew he had mutual care for. That someone just happened to have fucked up, repeatedly, and badly.

Then again, so had he. And who had been the one to forgive him?

With that thought in his mind, he found himself going towards the Hokage’s office. He didn’t know what he expected to accomplish, but couldn’t hold himself back. Masking his chakra, he waited outside of the window for a few moments as he heard Naruto finish up a boring, work related conversation with someone, heartbeat pounding loudly in his ears. Once he heard the person exit the room and the door click shut, he entered the window.

Two pairs of eyes met his. Naruto looked surprised and hopeful, yet horrified, eyes wide with anticipation; Shikamaru blinked twice before shaking his head, getting to his feet and leaving the room, muttering to himself. Naruto’s eyes never left his. 

“Sasuke—“

“I left because of you. I was glad when you didn’t pursue me.” He paused. “Then I heard about what was happening in the village. What you’re doing to the government.”

Naruto fidgeted uncomfortably. 

“I thought it was to lure me in. But it seems like… you listened.”

Naruto’s shoulders dropped in relief. There was a moment of silence before he spoke.

“I should have listened to you sooner. About a lot of things.”

His voice was hoarse. He’d spent 5 years growing up and learning from the mistakes he’d made, the mistakes they’d both made. 

It’s true that Naruto had used him. It’s also true that Sasuke kept going back, for reasons he couldn’t entirely explain. They were young, so young, but that wasn’t any excuse for how they’d behaved. 

“Please be my advisor,” Naruto blurted out. “Shikamaru is a council member now and you’re the smartest person I know.”

Those blue eyes were focused on him and Naruto looked so serious, brow furrowed, mouth set. In a way, the moment was reminiscent of Naruto’s confession all those years ago.

Sasuke took a step forward and Naruto just waited, eyes widening only slightly in anticipation. Gently, a hand came up to touch the lapel of his hokage’s cloak. He shivered at the contact.

Before that morning at the ceremony, it had been years since they’d touched at all. Sasuke had made sure of that. He looked down to meet Naruto’s eye.

“Why?”

So much of his life had been dedicated to revenge. He wasn’t sure how to forgive. But here, hand over Naruto’s heart, those piercing blue eyes looking at him with tender anticipation; he remembered the events all those years ago so perfectly from his Sharingan. Whispered confessions, fevered kisses, regret. Most of all, he remembered how he felt at that time; body aching with anxiety and loneliness. He didn’t feel like that now.

“Help me build a future we can both look forward to.”

Sasuke stepped even closer. Their faces were mere inches apart and Naruto tilted his chin up subconsciously, gaze flickering to Sasuke’s lips. He nodded as he leaned in to close the gap, heart fluttering in his chest. He knew nothing would be the same, and the thought couldn’t have been more comforting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short, but it took me a very long time to come up with something I was happy with as an ending. Thank you so much for taking the time to read it. <3


End file.
